Final Thoughts

My Facebook statues before and after the retreat were as follows:

"Going on Search Retreat all weekend! I hope I find what...I'm searching for?"

"Well... I went on Search Retreat and I found something I wasn't looking for... funny how that turned out"

Before I had left for the retreat I had no idea was I was looking for. In fact, in order to sign up for the retreat, one part of the questionnaire asked, "What do you plan on getting out of the retreat?" I had no intention of lying so I clearly stated," I don't know." Truthfully I was never looking for something the whole time I was there. But when I left I realized that I found something that I had previously lost. For the last two years of my life it had been my job to lead, encourage, and get to know a huge building full of students. And I was good at that job, and I loved it because of these aspects. Upon returning from abroad and being on campus without this community to look after, I forgot what it was like to lead. I forgot what it was like to be in a community and to have younger students respect and seek out your opinion. I forgot how much joy I received from lifting others up, challenging them, or even just being the ears for them to talk to or the shoulder for them to cry on.

During our small group session about Love my leader put me on the spot and asked me, of the 5 languages of Love, which one do I identify with the most ( The 5 Languages of Love is a very popular book that describes the five different ways that people express love in their lives). After ten seconds of thought I blurted out that my language was quality time. It's not. My language of love most certainly is acts of service. I express love through encouragement and service. If you asked me that same question a year ago that would have been my very clear answer. Somewhere along the lines of my world travels and coming back to a hellish school year I lost the ability to answer that question correctly. I had no time to be in community and I had no time to be encouraging. I had no group to lead and no lost soul in need of any direction that I could provide. Search retreat allowed me to remember this fact. It reminded me that this is what I was meant to do.


I would like to thank all those that encouraged me to go on this retreat. Without their nudge and prod I would have spent another weekend relaxing and getting sleep, but also living in the forgotten world I was oh so comfortable in. I would also like to thank the leaders of the retreat that made this all possible, especially the leaders of my small group. They all fostered an amazing environment of safety and reflection that made this process of self-rediscovery possible.